Fear of rejection is an irrational emotion based on personal insecurity and the unwarranted belief that others will not accept you for who you are. It is an illogical behavior that is stimulated by the overwhelming desire for approval; a selfish act.
Rejection is a common part of daily living that everyone is subjected to but do not have to be the “subject” of. It is an emotional state of being that sustains your personal thoughts of adequacy and affirmation. Placing yourself in a state that averts the unwanted affects of dismissal situates you into a more comfortable position emotionally, but a debilitating state when it comes to progression in life and as SoulKind.
When you develop this fear, you censor yourself, therefore inhibiting your productivity and creativity. Succumbing to fear is one of the most pertinent forces that keep a person from being an authentic and unique individual. When driven by the need for acceptance, you lose your own identity. You act like others act, clone others that you desire acceptance from, and emulate whomever you feel is a good role model so that you may fit better within whichever situation you deem appropriate.
The fear of rejection is a self-defeating attitude that pushes you to pursue a more unfounded means of thought. This in turn results in depression and stagnancy. Many people live their entire lives in this condition. It affects their achievement level, career direction, personal relationships, community life, and even the way they spends their leisure time. When you subject yourself to this deficient way of thinking you have automatically given control over to others that surround you. You are at their mercy. Your whole desire for personal satisfaction revolves around what others determine about your character.
When you fear rejection you lose power over yourself and give control of your life to someone else. It’s easy to spot people that fear rejection because they rarely display any assertiveness. They are slow to respond and don’t offer their opinion when asked by someone that they wish approval from. In doing so, they’ve unfortunately enabled others to continue their own personal self-destructive behaviors. A person who fears rejection has, again, caused damage in the lives of others due to their own selfish desire to avert courageousness. They prefer this comfort instead of functioning at a level that grants them the necessary tools to achieve their goals.
People with the fear of rejection often times defer to passive/aggressive behavior and are rarely honest. They hide the content of their true desires and ventilate their aggressive manners in unhealthy and destructive ways. They cannot openly communicate with others; therefore they undermine these individuals and, as the victim, find a means of harming them through lies and deceit. These types of people often play games with their feelings. They constantly struggle to keep in alignment with what is fashionable at the time, in speech patterns, clothing, gossip, etc. They become a cheap chameleon, changing their belief systems and arbitrary feelings in order to be parallel with the persons that they surround themselves with so that they may at all times feel accepted.
Inside many of these people lie a roaring fit of unbridled anger or depression over their substandard lives. When confronted with the issues, they are swift to supply a wide assortment of excuses and retorts relating to why they “can’t” do something.
While it is sad that these people are confused as to their own identity, they are not powerless in their ability to manipulate themselves; as shallow as that may be. Over years of experiencing the fear of rejection and holding so much baggage that pertains to it, these types become inflexible. They’ve slowly developed into beings incapable of attempting a behavior that is new or alternative to them despite how terribly unhappy they are. They are dishonest with themselves and are closed down to change despite any desire to stop committing such trespasses.
Humans possess a unique aptitude for sensing this weakness. We can sense fear subconsciously. We know when a person truly doesn’t believe in what they are proposing. You’ll find it impossible to remove the fear of rejection by just exposing yourself to those that may reject you or masking your fear behind a façade of courage.
Life is steady change. We are all constantly morphing through stages of motion. Our minds are magnets. We accrue positive and negative thoughts and memories on a perpetual basis from our inception all the way to demise. It is how we respond to these memories that make us better people.
So what are some methods you can use in order to break the cycle of fear and work toward overcoming the issue?
- Change your paradigm–your pattern of thinking.
When facing a paradigm head on, you can remove these thoughts from your mind as long as you stay keenly aware of what they are trying to stop. You have to refrain from caring about what others think of you. Be proud of who you are and what you stand for. Once you do so, you may lose some friends and people in your life, but you will gain exponentially more than what you let go of.
Following the teaching of SoulJourner and learning the edicts involved will instigate this change. It’s what SoulJourner is about: The loosening of bonds and the discovery of unrestricted authenticity. Also, for those mired in this behavior to the point of disability, you may be a good candidate for the SoulJourner Ayahuasca Retreat.
- Recognize that other people are as flawed or more so than you are.
An example of this is when employed in a sales capacity. In sales, a fear of rejection is crippling. Do you believe in what you offer? Do you love what you sell or promote? If not, walk away from it. You will never succeed in your endeavors because you will not be able to promote your wares properly. If you do believe in what you offer, then you have ground to stand on. Take pride in your product and recognize that you are not just taking people’s money; you are providing them a beneficial service. All service provisions require compensation or reward. You deserve what you are given for your actions. Don’t look at the fact that you are taking money from someone or asking them to change their way of doing things. If you do that you will be in fear at all times. If you realize that you are providing a service or product or way of thinking that will make them better or more capable human beings, then you will feel empowered. You will feel overwhelmingly in control of your situation. You will want to yell it for the world to understand. YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER!
This example is the same for life. We are all, in some manner, selling or giving away something and your unabashed means by which you believe in it is the most pliable means by which to achieve overwhelming success.
- Know when you are right.
If you are sure of what you propose and it is logically based, you have the right to demand that it be heard and implemented. Knowing this will empower you. Having a positive understanding of something that you take a stand on is a very enlightening feeling. It is a sensation you cannot back down from. Why would you? If you are right logically and obviously, then you CANNOT lose your ground. You simply CANNOT be defeated. The worst situation is that someone rejects you out of pride and ignorance. The best situation is that your ideas are implemented because the person has been made aware of the truth (but you better make sure it is the TRUTH and that it cannot be refuted).
- Commit to rote actions on a daily basis.
If you set a plan every day to notice your behavior it will be easier to overcome it. You will illuminate yourself regarding all the things you notice with this method. Also, you will, by rote, overcome your fears by acting courageous every day as if it’s an actual procedural duty. Rote is a potent activity that slowly edges out old habits that came from the chaos of victimization; it demands a focused action within the protocols of routine despite any desire to do otherwise. It is a formative process that, over time, increases command over self due to action instead of words, and induces, by active force, a new means by which to respond to society.
To summarize, a person does not fear rejection when they inhabit the fact that they are in control of their situation at all times. You will take questions with stride, rebuttals with ease and momentary rejections as if the other person is just ignorant at the moment. It is up to you to inform them better. It is also up to you to develop a strong and courageous mentality through daily practice and awareness. In doing so the old skin of fear will shed due active intervention and it will be replaced with the armor courage and self security. It can be a long and arduous process for some, but the alternative is an abhorrent behavior that should be eradicated at all costs. Given the relative ease of these four steps, the cost is definitely worth the reward.
As a note, it can’t be expected for some to achieve authenticity and strength from the stronghold of their fears with just these four steps, even if they commit. Intervention must come from multiple facets of change and experience. That is exactly what the whole of the SoulJourner teachings and experience provide. From life-altering perspectives to life-altering paradigm shifts and the answers to life’s questions, SoulJourner is here to help you fully inhabit the nature of who you really are, authentically, vibrantly, and Soulfully so that you life can be as enriched as it possibly can be.
